14. “We’d like to give a warm greeting to our special guests, those guys from Gizmodo.”

13. “Sorry I’m late — my Droid just got the Froyo update and I had to check it out.”

12. “Does this turtleneck make me look fat?”

11. “I’d like to thank Daring Fireball’s John Gruber for all the fine analysis he’s provided, and also for all the handjobs.”

10. “This week’s big news: I’m leaving Apple to become the new judge on American Idol.”

9. “Just kidding. I’m actually taking over The Apprentice. My catchphrase will be ‘You’re banned.’”

8. “Today we’re announcing an exciting new App Store partnership with Vivid Video. Here to tell you all about it is the lovely Jenna Jameson.”

7. “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Adobe CEO Shantanu Narayen.”

6. “We really admire all the work Microsoft has done with Windows Mobile. See, I can say that with a straight face. Phil Schiller just lost a bet.”

5. Steve Jobs: “Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am a god among men. Thanks for asking.”

4. “We deeply respect all that Woz has done for Apple. But I’m still not sure how he keeps managing to get off the island.”

3. “I decided to go with the red cardigan this year.”

2. “You’ve all already seen this thing, so **** it — I’m going home.”

1. “Developers! Developers! Developers!”

h/t - Carter on Android Central Forums.

From the UK Sun…

By LEON WATSON

A SHOCK iPhone application which lets users find their nearest CANNABIS dealer has been approved by Apple.
Simply named Cannabis, the £1.79 app lets users search by city for their nearest medical cannabis suppliers, doctors, clinics, lawyers and other relevant organisations.

It currently covers 13 US states which have passed laws allowing medical cannabis use, legal cannabis “coffee shops” across Europe and uses Google Maps for directions.

Makers the campaign group Ajnag.com hope to add cannabis related news, menus, reviews and videos soon.

It is available from the Apple iTunes App Store now, and requires the iPhone 3.0 Software Update.